When it rains it pours...or rather storms and causes natural disasters...

Its been a while since last post. its very hard to write posts on an android. Lol. well, my girlfriend and I have been having many troubles. We lost our apartment due to bug infestations and have been bebopping back and forth between family. Unfortunately my mothers boyfriend is a jerk and kicked us out after we gave him what little money we had left for the month. I am trying to avoid a shelter. I wish there was someone out there who could help. I need some help. We need help. circumstances just keep dragging us down. We just need help until the third. We have plans to get a rooming room or a cheap apt. we just have nothing until our disability comes in. I know everyone in the world is struggling. which makes my plea that much harder. I am a victim of bad circumstances. I have the ability to be quite resourceful but this time around I feel totally helpless and lost. I have been in shelters before and know that most of them are not helpful as they should be and definately not as safe as they should be.

FRIENDS...

Today i almost lost a best friend of mine. I had thought i had conveyed something to her that I hadnt. I value my friends more than money,gifts, or any materiel thing. I care for them deeply because they understand my crazy ass. Losing any of my friends would hurt me too deeply. I want to send a special thank you to all that know me on a personal level, have been through my struggles with me, have cried and laughed and shared thoughts with me.   I know its hard to care about me sometimes when i make mistakes. Forgiveness I hope is the answer. I hope that even though I may not say things right or if i seem to not understand or if i have been selfish where i try to be selfless... that you will always keep me in your thoughts and hearts. 

Changes...

Hello, dear reader, this early of the morning i am writing to you feeling a bit naked. Like not physically... but spiritually. I used to think everyone who saw me could read my mind. So far, ive been right. Ive noticed more and more the people thatt surround me are there for a reason. I always thought i was a good person... but even the best of people have their limits. I guess what im really trying to convey is that people around me have known me so well i think by knowing themselves. Or maybe something a bit more to it? That is one of the mysteries of life.

Don't let it bring you down...

So i am back into writing. I am happy about it... so what have i been up to all this time? Changing into who I am becoming. I am writing some new songs... hopefully getting them to the appropraite people who could assist with my music career. I love music. I breathe music... dream it. My song of choice is by one of my favorite recording artists, Neil Young. Its called "Don't let it bring you down." this is actually how i feel. To not let things bother me so much. There is something rewarding with allowing things to burn away.

Back in black....

so im here and ready to start again maybe on a more frequent basis. I dont know what to say except that im going through a dark time in my life.  Theres so much id like to do and so many limitations of being on disability. id like to better record some songs and send the demos to a record label. id like to build a guitar. i have so many ambitions and so little time. im on the verge of being 30 and i feel like most of my life has been a daydream. no music today but i will put some up at a later time. who could know the sorrows of anothers heart? all of us know because we all have sorrows. im back in black as in mourning a loss i dont even comprehend.

What is art?

Hi, again I just wanted to share some art with you and some music.

This is John Jude Palencar's work of art. I call it The Dreamer based on a song I love by Judas Priest, But I think it is actually called "Trader" I'm not for certain. But I love his works.

Here is more art:

This one is of my own work and it reminds me of a horror movie.

This one reminds me of loss for three reasons, I painted it thinking of what my ex liked in faery world of Brian Froud, my sister and my relationship fell apart around this time, someone stole this from me at a homeless shelter. It was my fault I got in his car and I left my damn backpack in his car. Damn you Michael Issacs, Daaryl Issacs brother! Stranger than fiction. Anyway I may not write tomorrow. I'm going to a concert with my friend. The Hookers wooooooo! I'll leave you with a video by them called "Teenage Blood"

Blood and Roses....

Today I want people to love me. I mean, I want to allow others to love me and not be so intent on forcing them to. I'm just a very aggressive, intense person and whoever I was with I would force everything onto them and never allow them to love me. I ended up pushing a lot of people away. I was never taught how to love properly. I didn't know you couldn't MAKE someone love you. I thought if I put all of my intesity into the relationship, it'd make them love me more. I was terribly wrong. I just want to love and be loved.

My movie for today is Moulin Rouge for apparent reasons.

My song pick for today is Blood and Roses by The Smithereens

I also want to say that I never knew love correctly, I had some bad relationships, not just bad lovers, but bad family, bad friends. I never got to be myself at all. My other movie for today would be Little Darlings, it's about growing up too soon and disappointment.

My second song pick is Anathema

the song is "One Last Goodbye"