Me, myself and I

I have been thinking of taking journalism up or at least some creative writing classes. There is so much I want to do with my life before I die. I am going to be 28 years old this coming November and I want to fit as much adventure and exciting times as I possibly can. There is a Luthier  right down my street and I want to be his apprentice. There's all kinds of songs, poems, and stories in my head. I want to record at least a demo this year and work on art. I have a lot of energy and ambition. I used to be sad being alone but I enjoy the freedom now. Besides there is a such thing as looking at girls and strangers and fantasy. It's when it gets beyond the fantasy that really messes things up. Disappointment is always a bummer. My first song pick is Joan Armatrading Me , myself, I:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

I think my movie choice for today would be Ghost World. The movie is less about hate, more about growing up in a world that doesn't understand the strange teens and adults that don't fit in anywhere except with each other. But sometimes you don't even fit in with the misfits. Then you truly are alone as is everyone. Everyone is an individual whether you are in a marriage or have a gf/bf, best friend. We just need to accept ourselves.

My second choice of song is one of my own compositions

I love this song, I was going to give up music forever after this but I always come back to my guitars. I've just been kind of depressed because I feel like MY dreams are slipping by me. Like everyone is cathing them in a butterfly net and now I have nothing to hold on to. I am not successful, I didn't even graduate high school. I had enough brains to go back and get a g.e.d. but I missed out on so much trying to escape from all of my problems. I was a true misfit. My old friends had nice homes with nice families and I had nothing. Music became my escape and drug of choice and I have improved greatly over the years, but after my sister decided she didn't really want me to do music with her(which she denies) it kind of hurt a lot. She is the one who shines in front of everyone and I got left in the dust again. Music was my thing. I shared a lot of what I knew and sheturned it on me. She even wrote a nasty song about me, which again, hurt a lot. I thought we could discuss our problems privately but I guess not. She had to show out. I'm in a lot of pain from family manipulating me into doing things I never wanted to do, or hurting me in irreprable ways. I don't know if they know they are hurting me this bad or if they even care. I lost my dad, grandmother, my grandfather, my aunt Louise, My great grandmother, I'm losing all the people in my life I ever cared for. I lost my sisters respect because they just couldn't understand what I'm going through. I'm scared I'm turning into an alcoholic and I'm wasting my bloody life on people who don't give two shits except for themselves. Yeah, that's the truth of it. I have been selfless, caring to a fault and I'm always the one to get scapegoated. Well fuck that! Time to turn it around and just focus on myself which is what I should have done in the very first place and I never would have gotten dragged into these messed up situations. I know I'm talented, I know I'm intelligent, I know I'm a great person once you take the time to get to know me. I know I'm not doing anything wrong yet I always am first to apologize!