What is art?

Hi, again I just wanted to share some art with you and some music.

This is John Jude Palencar's work of art. I call it The Dreamer based on a song I love by Judas Priest, But I think it is actually called "Trader" I'm not for certain. But I love his works.

Here is more art:

This one is of my own work and it reminds me of a horror movie.

This one reminds me of loss for three reasons, I painted it thinking of what my ex liked in faery world of Brian Froud, my sister and my relationship fell apart around this time, someone stole this from me at a homeless shelter. It was my fault I got in his car and I left my damn backpack in his car. Damn you Michael Issacs, Daaryl Issacs brother! Stranger than fiction. Anyway I may not write tomorrow. I'm going to a concert with my friend. The Hookers wooooooo! I'll leave you with a video by them called "Teenage Blood"

Blood and Roses....

Today I want people to love me. I mean, I want to allow others to love me and not be so intent on forcing them to. I'm just a very aggressive, intense person and whoever I was with I would force everything onto them and never allow them to love me. I ended up pushing a lot of people away. I was never taught how to love properly. I didn't know you couldn't MAKE someone love you. I thought if I put all of my intesity into the relationship, it'd make them love me more. I was terribly wrong. I just want to love and be loved.

My movie for today is Moulin Rouge for apparent reasons.

My song pick for today is Blood and Roses by The Smithereens

I also want to say that I never knew love correctly, I had some bad relationships, not just bad lovers, but bad family, bad friends. I never got to be myself at all. My other movie for today would be Little Darlings, it's about growing up too soon and disappointment.

My second song pick is Anathema

the song is "One Last Goodbye"

We got higher than a Churches spires...

I feel a natural high and zest for life I never had before. I feel renewed. I had better get some rest because I want to go to church tomorrow. But I can't bring myself to sleep just yet. I want to talk to you, my dear readers. I want to share my life with you, mistakes and all... My mother was always tied down to someone and she never got to be free, My dad was alone most of his later years and he was the most interesting traveler, having been in the navy and knowing all the cool spots and backroads. I think my mom was only free once and she still had us kids to deal with... she worked swing 16 hour shifts at the nursing home and was gorgeous and didn't realize how much her own worth was and got caught up with the wrong men all the time. I myself, thought love was grand and had problems getting involved with sponge women that took my heart and soul, and my money. I felt like that was what you did at the time, but now I see that I always gave them so much I never had a thing for myself. Only looking back do I see all the stupid things I had done, with a lot of regret. Now I am alone and pretty content. I feel the lonliness kick in sometimes and the desire for human contact and just talking to a woman every now and again, but I'm kind of relieved for the most part. No lies, no jealousy, no mind games because I choose not to play the game of love. Lust would not be out of the question, but no more love for me. I let it dust on the shelf and no longer need that kind of love or want it.

I just want to live and be adventurous and have all my friends around. I don't want to opt out of socializing completely, but there is just too many let downs in love. I've been beaten, cheated on, and manipulated. I stood back and looked at the scars of a once loving, caring person and saw it resembled too much of my emotional mother. I try NOT to get attached but there are still a few regrets. I regret that I ever dated anyone. I regret that my exes don't have good feelings towards me now, most of them. I regret having sex when I was younger and giving my virginity to someone who did not appreciate it. I regret so many things. Most of all I regret that one of my past loves did not work out. I thought she was flawed perfection. I thought she was immensely beautiful. She was my world and my world fell apart. I still think of her often, but I know she hates me. Oh well, enough depressing shit. It just reminds me of Gold Dust Woman and that is my pick of today.

And that's exactly what happened. My illusion of love got shattered. I used to believe that love existed. But now I see that I am alone no matter who I am with. No one can understand another completely, but when they don't even try to understand it's even worse.

My pearl of wisdom to you today, reader, is to beware of all consuming relationships even if you are under the impression it is love. Stop caring so much about other people to the point of jealous obsession and go on a nature retreat and get in touch with your inner being. Or God, or something outside of yourself that is very healthy like volunteering at a homeless shelter, picking litter off the highway or listening to music or anything to take your mind off of putting someone on a high pedestal and making assumptions, jumping to conclusions, etc.

Write a blog even! Write in a journal!

People are made to disappoint each other at some time or another because we are all different in some way or form. I've learned a lot about focusing my energies elsewhere. My second pick of song is Sarah Jaffe "The Pretender" I love her.

My movie choice would be Another Earth if I haven't mentioned that already.

Thanks for reading as always!

Punk rock masturbation

                                                        The Buzzcocks "Orgasm Addict"

The Dead Boys "Sonic Reducer"

Zombie "Meet me in the Graveyard"

The Cramps "What's Inside a Girl?"

The Misfits "Last Caress"

If you can't take the heat, get out of Hell

I just want to put some videos up for today. My first pick would be "Welcome to my Nightmare" by Alice Cooper.

The secon pick is "You hate me and I hate you" by GG Allin and the Jabbers

My third pick is "That's when I reach for my revolver" by Mission of Burma

   I'm in the mindset today of just saying fuck the small shit and let me focus on the bigger picture of my life.

My movie pick for today would be Cataclysmic Abyss. It's a skateboard film with my favorite skateboarders in it. Corey Duffel specifically:

My fourth song pick is "Born to lose" by Social Distortion. It's one of my theme songs

         

No you don't get no second chance. You have one life, one chance, and endless possibilities. Do I want to change the world? I wish I could, but right now I just want to change my underwear.

Thank you for reading!

Me, myself and I

I have been thinking of taking journalism up or at least some creative writing classes. There is so much I want to do with my life before I die. I am going to be 28 years old this coming November and I want to fit as much adventure and exciting times as I possibly can. There is a Luthier  right down my street and I want to be his apprentice. There's all kinds of songs, poems, and stories in my head. I want to record at least a demo this year and work on art. I have a lot of energy and ambition. I used to be sad being alone but I enjoy the freedom now. Besides there is a such thing as looking at girls and strangers and fantasy. It's when it gets beyond the fantasy that really messes things up. Disappointment is always a bummer. My first song pick is Joan Armatrading Me , myself, I:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

I think my movie choice for today would be Ghost World. The movie is less about hate, more about growing up in a world that doesn't understand the strange teens and adults that don't fit in anywhere except with each other. But sometimes you don't even fit in with the misfits. Then you truly are alone as is everyone. Everyone is an individual whether you are in a marriage or have a gf/bf, best friend. We just need to accept ourselves.

My second choice of song is one of my own compositions

I love this song, I was going to give up music forever after this but I always come back to my guitars. I've just been kind of depressed because I feel like MY dreams are slipping by me. Like everyone is cathing them in a butterfly net and now I have nothing to hold on to. I am not successful, I didn't even graduate high school. I had enough brains to go back and get a g.e.d. but I missed out on so much trying to escape from all of my problems. I was a true misfit. My old friends had nice homes with nice families and I had nothing. Music became my escape and drug of choice and I have improved greatly over the years, but after my sister decided she didn't really want me to do music with her(which she denies) it kind of hurt a lot. She is the one who shines in front of everyone and I got left in the dust again. Music was my thing. I shared a lot of what I knew and sheturned it on me. She even wrote a nasty song about me, which again, hurt a lot. I thought we could discuss our problems privately but I guess not. She had to show out. I'm in a lot of pain from family manipulating me into doing things I never wanted to do, or hurting me in irreprable ways. I don't know if they know they are hurting me this bad or if they even care. I lost my dad, grandmother, my grandfather, my aunt Louise, My great grandmother, I'm losing all the people in my life I ever cared for. I lost my sisters respect because they just couldn't understand what I'm going through. I'm scared I'm turning into an alcoholic and I'm wasting my bloody life on people who don't give two shits except for themselves. Yeah, that's the truth of it. I have been selfless, caring to a fault and I'm always the one to get scapegoated. Well fuck that! Time to turn it around and just focus on myself which is what I should have done in the very first place and I never would have gotten dragged into these messed up situations. I know I'm talented, I know I'm intelligent, I know I'm a great person once you take the time to get to know me. I know I'm not doing anything wrong yet I always am first to apologize!

Ok, so I had to post some videos...

I was looking at my old blog posts and wanted to put some music picks and movie picks up. Today I'm in the frame of mind that when you have lost evrything you have found it all. I have been going through a lot of personal struggles. Going in and out of hospitals, dealing with death threats, being perscuted for being myself, losing family in more ways than one, not having money to live by, a house fire, the loss of pets over the years, the loss of girlfriends and just bad relationships with women whom I love or loved... yet, I am trying to stay positive and strong through all of this. It's not been easy for me.

 I have pushed people away, blown up at them from holding all of my pain inside and expected them to understand. But it's difficult to understand someone elses point of view sometimes. So I have to vent here or in a song or with friends, whom I have very few good ones. But I am thankful for what I have. I have the friendship of one of the best men I have ever encountered, the love of a cat, God's love, and myself. You don't need much more than true family and friends, an animal, yourself, and most of all God.

I used to be mad at God a lot. He kept taking what I loved from me, or so I thought. But I have found that with limited resources, limited friends, limited family, I am limitless. I have no anchors. I am free.

My movie pick is The Shawshank Redemption. I don't know many who have not seen it.

My music pick of today is Vast "Free"

 

My second movie pick is Into the Wild. One of my most favorite movies and books. So the video I shall put up next is from the said movie.

Thank you for reading! I hope you come by again sometime and leave me some comments!

I'm back beaches!

Have not written in a while. Due to hospital stays I have been reluctant to come back and say anything. But today's blog is going to be dedicated to my favorite liturature. Books are being replaced by devices like the Kindle and the Nook, I still enjoy a good book even though it's not very green unless you read it over and over again. Most of my favorites, I actually do reread.

My personal favorite Author is Clive Barker. Known as a master of Horror, you wouldn't guess he is also a very good drama writer and children's book author. But he is. Sacrament and The Thief of Always are good examples of this. Those are very good books, but my all time favorite book of his is Imajica. Also he writes plays. Frankenstein in Love is the best one in my opinion.

One of my other favorite books is The Hobbit. It's just an all time endearing book. My favorite poet is Johnathan or John Keats. I would suggest him to anyone.

Here is a list of books I highly suggest to readers:

Love and Other Demons by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Divine Comedy by Dante Algheri
The Complete Poems by John Keats
Miss. Peregrine's Home for Perculiar Children by Ransom Riggs
The Thief of Always by Clive Barker
Incarnations by Clive Barker
Imajica by Clive Barker
Into the Wild by John Krakauer
Once Upon a More Enlightened Time by James Finn Garner
Dr. Faustus by Christopher Marlowe
Faust by Goethe
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Zen Guitar by Philip Toshio Sudo

and last but not least: The Bible

I am going to post some of my writings below:

You Could Never Stay

Love like clouds

A million miles away

Floating through the air

On a crisp November day

I wanted you to be there

But you weren’t to my dismay

I loved you so much

Was all my lips could say

But I knew from the cold breeze

That you could never stay

You could never stay

----------------------------------------

Queen Coal

Pin nails

Razor tongue

And a mildew heart

Little girls’ bones

You made into art

And now when we look back

Our ghosts stare back

How, when coal is black,

We breathe the attack

She speaks

Through serpents’ tongue

She feeds

To make her strong

And now when we look back

Our ghosts stare back

How, when coal is black,

We breathe in the attack

------------------------------------------

Dead Seasons By Anne Owen

She remembers when things got very cold. She remembered when her heart was broken and she got cold inside. It felt like December, yet it was May. She did not live where it was usually a cold climate. She lived in Louisville, Kentucky. Or rather her heart died there.

She met him at a comic book store. His wisps of long hair concealed the beauty in his shining eyes. She fell hard at that moment. He was picking up a Wolverine comic and she felt like Jubilee or Rogue. No one underestimates the power of youthful love more than the heartbroken adult.

Her name was Rachael Tonza. She was of Hispanic descent. She always imagined strong Spanish conquistadors fighting over her mother. When she came of age at thirteen, the romanticism revolved around her very self. Then she met him. The world blossomed.

She always knew she was different. She touched a tree and it would bloom, or a flower. She just thought it was her green thumb. Her powers announced themselves in her teen years. She managed to hide them from wearing gloves. Her uncanny resemblance to Rogue flourished except, instead of taking life, she gave it. Beauty of the most natural kind surrounded her. Every plant and thing seemed like a universe unto itself.

She was gorgeous. Her dark, ebon hair drifted along the small of her back. She knew she was beautiful and found nothing wrong with it. She relished when boys her age would gander at her. She preferred long haired beauties of boys. She was not a virgin, however. She had made love to the boy of her choice behind her school at night.

He was a lousy lover to her, and she promised herself no more of that. Then she met him.

His name was Xander Epstein. He was 15 while Rachael was just about 14 years of age. He was half Jewish, which made him all the more alluring with his conflict of faith with hers. She knew her parents wanted a Hispanic boy for her. Her rebellion cost a lot of her eventually.

They dated and the summers grew stronger, the winters less bitter, the springs blossomed like a rosebud in bloom. Everything had a place. Even their hands clasped tightly around one another’s in the hazy light of sunset. They kissed each time they went to their sacred place in the woods.

Then he decided to break up with her. That’s when it got so cold, so very cold.

Her name was Susan. Xander fell in love with her at first sight. A beautiful, young, Jewish girl, he knew his parents would approve and that’s what was important.

Their love affair lasted until she died of hypothermia playing in the snow in April. It was very mysterious. Xander grew depressed.

Rachael tried to console him and win him back, but to no avail. There was no winning him back, his heart was gone. Rachael became so depressed she almost killed everything she touched. She had to start wearing the gloves all of the time and children at school poked and prodded her for her style choice. The whole world seemed depressed with her.

The news on t.v. was mostly about war, death, and natural disasters. The future seemed very bleak for her and mankind.

She lay in her bed one day, naked, but for her gloves, she thought only of Xander. She took them off carefully, slowly. She touched her own heart.

Have to put some of my products in here from cafepress.com," Anne's Little Shoppe of Art"

Thank you for reading and looking!